The past week or so I has been hell in my head because of how I feel so I decided to buy a gaff and breastform which would come in handy for Anime Boston 2016 and I could use it to produce videos online as a female character most will be fun videos and some will be informative and provide information on gender identity. The reason behind this is because I want to see how my personalty changes when the outside matches the inside or how I feel matches how I look. I remember as a kid I had more female friends than I had male friends, I played with barbies, dolls, and played “house” with the girls and didn’t think anything of it I was only a kid, but as I got older my feelings changed and I had started looking at boys and girls and thinking that they were hot or cute when this happened with the girls I was just being a teenage boy, but when I looked a boys in the same way I thought I was weird and I didn’t want it to be true as back in the day there were a lot more misconceptions about homosexuality as it wasn’t as prevalent as it is today. I think it was more of a challenge for me as I was young and at the time there weren’t enough people around to help me through it as there are today which is one reason I want to start Safe Space because in my city there aren’t many LGBTQ+ centers around we do have something called the Love ALLiance, but that’s about the city as a whole and is run by a Church not that it’s a bad thing. I want to create a place where LGBTQ+ youth can get the help they need. Back to when I first came out it would have to be when I moved to Florida and I told my mother who as I said in an earlier post thought it was her fault for “babying” me, but that wasn’t the case at all I had always felt like this and it came to me when I was in Junior High School or Middle School as it’s called now and me and male friend of mine were each other’s firsts I will not give his name out of respect for his privacy I will just say it was an eye opener for me as it didn’t just happen once, but on several occasions after which I finally accepted myself I just wasn’t ready to come out publicly yet. If you meant me you could say that I’m still not “out” yet as not everyone knows about my sexuality I think they can guess my gender identity as most of the clothes I wear are “girls” clothes, but even if they can’t I let them know that I see clothes as being for any gender and to be glad I’m not walking around naked. I believe that it’s best to come out to the people who are in your life the most which includes your parents, grandparents, and anyone who you see everyday and then to go with the “flow” and to be open minded when you meet someone who doesn’t know your sexuality or gender identity and to let them know if it is really an issue, but if it’s not then you don’t have to tell them anything because most people will assume that if you look like a girl then you are a girl so if you’re a Trans-girl and you’re dressed as a girl most people will out of instinct use female pronouns and if you’re a Trans-boy and you’re dressed as a boy they’ll use male pronouns without even thinking about it. Because I think most of the time when the wrong pronouns are used it’s because transpeople tell them that they were born a male or born a female which that would make people want to call them by the the wrong pronouns sometimes it is easier to not say you’re transgender and just say you’re a boy or girl and if they ask about it then tell them about. The fact that I think this way isn’t an insult to transpeople it’s just how I feel, because people don’t like being told what to say and that’s just human nature and there is nothing you can do to change that just as there is nothing anyone can do to change the way you feel on the inside about your gender. I consider myself a female, but I don’t want surgery on religious grounds as I mentioned before in an earlier post because God wouldn’t have given me this body if he didn’t want me to use/have it. The fact that people think that all transgender people have to want surgery to change their physical gender to their internal gender is Transphobic in every way and with the President Obama pushing medical insurance providers to cover transgender medical problems more people will be able to afford SRS then ever before. I want to be able to pass a female when I dress as a female and still keep my male parts it’s a little hard for me to “tuck” as there is a lot there and sometimes I get hard when trying to tuck everything away the way drag-queens do it’s a learning process, but I’m getting better at it as I’ve been practicing with a homemade gaff I made from video I found on YouTube which works to a point I know most drag-queens use duck tape, but that is dangerous as it can rip skin off and I can’t handle that and requires to be clean shaving down there. I want to be able to tuck and not use duck tape which requires a gaff and I think they’re safer to use and because they look like female panties they would be easier to work with, but my other problem is that I don’t have much of an ass as I’m skinny so I would have to buy the padded underwear which I have already have a pair from a company called Bubbles Bodywear which you can visit their website at Lovemybubbles.com to check out their products they’re the men’s pair so I would have to buy a women’s pair which some include hip pads to give a more curvy appearance in that area which would be helpful so I don’t look like a 13 year old girl as every time I shave my face clean people think I’m a 13 year old boy which sucks when trying to get a beer. I would need to pass as an adult female if I dress as a female I don’t think it’s a bad thing to look young it is just an inconvenience to have to keep telling people that your an adult. I know I have a lot more to find out about myself which is one of the other reasons I want to start Safe Space as helping others come to terms with themselves could help me find out more about myself in the process which would be a good thing as I always feel down about myself which in turn keeps me from going out to enjoy myself well that and not having much money to do anything with.